The positive transmission of “negative emotions” in the relationship between men and women

Many people will regard each other as an “emotional trash can” and vent their dissatisfaction at will, such as accusing the other party of “why don’t you understand me at all” and “what’s the use of telling you this”, this “destructive transmission” of negative emotions will make the other party feel aggrieved and even cause quarrels. In fact, negative emotions can be “positively transmitted” – not only to release one’s own pressure, but also to make the other person feel burdened, and to make the relationship more stable in mutual support.

The first step in positively conveying negative emotions is to “clarify the ’emotional belonging’ and not vent the anger on the other party”. Don’t vent your dissatisfaction with others and things to the other party, such as being made difficult by a colleague, don’t go home and say to the other party, “Why are you so annoyed”, but say, “I was made difficult by my colleagues at work today, I am a little angry, I want to talk to you”. Making it clear that emotions are “one’s own” and that the other party is a “listener” rather than an “outlet object” can reduce the other party’s resistance.

The second step is to “replace ‘complaining venting’ with ‘demand expression'”. Don’t blindly complain “I was too unlucky today, I didn’t do a good job and was scolded by the leader, and I lost my wallet”, but say your needs: “I encountered a lot of troubles today, I am a little sad, I want you to hug me and listen to me talk about specific things”; Instead of complaining “you don’t care about me at all”, say “I miss you today and I would be much happier if you could say a few more words to me”. Demand-based expressions let the other person know “what you need” so they can respond better to you and avoid feeling powerless because they don’t know how to help you.

The third step is to “convey the ‘willingness to solve’ and not indulge in negativity”. After venting your emotions, don’t keep immersing yourself in complaints, but discuss “how to solve it” with the other party, such as “I think this work is not done well because I am not fully prepared, next time I will make a plan in advance, what do you think”; “Although I was unlucky to lose my wallet, fortunately I didn’t lose my ID card, I will reissue my bank card tomorrow, can you remind me?” Communicating the willingness to solve can make the other person feel that “you don’t just complain, but want to face the problem positively”, and it can also allow you to enhance each other’s tacit understanding and trust in the process of finding solutions together. Negative emotions are not terrible, and the correct transmission can make the relationship deeper in the “emotional trough” together.