How can my girlfriend say that it is inappropriate to save her and move her?

When a girlfriend says “we are not suitable”, many boys will fall into a panic – either begging, arguing and refuting, or avoiding the cold war, which often only pushes her further. The core of recovery is not “convincing her to change her mind”, but “making her feel your sincerity, see your changes, and rethink your beauty”, and break down the barriers of “inappropriate” with emotion, which can be started from the following three aspects.

The first is to “stop entanglement and calmly reflect on the core of ‘inappropriate'”. When a girlfriend says “inappropriate”, it is never impulsive, but a disappointment after the accumulation of long-term conflicts. At this time, the most taboo thing is to send frequent messages, call to ask “why”, or entangle with empty promises such as “I can’t live without you” and “I will change”. It is better to respond calmly first: “I respect your decision, and I know that you have been wronged during this time, I will give you space, and I will think about the problems between us”, and then stop intensive contact and give each other a cooling-off period. When reflecting, jump out of the misunderstanding of “I’m right” and focus on specific scenarios: Did she complain many times that “you always ignore my feelings”? Are you lost because you lack companionship and don’t pay attention to her needs? Are you tired because of differences in values and future plans? Only by accurately finding the root cause of “inappropriateness” will subsequent recovery actions be targeted, rather than blindly flattering.

The second is to “use ’empathetic expression’ to convey sincerity, and only admit mistakes without justification”. After the cooling-off period, don’t rush her to “come back to you”, but convey your reflection and care in a gentle way, so that she can feel your sincerity rather than pressure. You can write a handwritten love letter or send a short text, the core of which is “empathize with her feelings + admit your problems + don’t force her to respond”. For example: “I thought a lot during this time, I didn’t pick you up every time I worked overtime, I was swiping my phone when I thought of you sharing happy things, and I always responded perfunctorily when I remembered that you wanted to plan for the future together.” I finally understood that what you said was ‘inappropriate’ was that I had never understood your needs and didn’t really take you to heart. I don’t ask you to forgive me immediately, but I want you to know that I really realized I was wrong and am trying to change. You don’t have to rush to give me an answer, just take care of yourself.” Such an expression without excuse or pressure, not only admitting her own problems, but also empathizing with her grievances, can move her more than the empty promise of “I will change”, and make her feel your growth and sincerity.

Finally, “use ‘targeted actions’ to prove change and let the emotion land”. True redemption never depends on words, but on continuous actions. According to the root cause of “inappropriateness” reflected, use specific actions to prove your change and let her see your sincerity. If you ignore companionship before, send her a word of concern (infrequently) at a fixed time, such as “It’s cooled down today, remember to add clothes”, and appear as soon as she needs it (for example, silently send medicine when she is sick and don’t ask to meet); If you didn’t pay attention to her needs before, remember her preferences, such as if she likes a certain milk tea, occasionally send it to her, with a note “I know you like this taste, I hope you are happy”; If you lack future planning before, set specific small goals, such as “I changed jobs closer to your company and can spend more time with you in the future” or “I saved up a sum of money and want to travel with you to the city you’ve always wanted to visit.” These targeted actions are more powerful than expensive gifts because they can make her feel that “you are really changing for her and taking the relationship seriously”. When acting, pay attention to “not rushing for things”, do not give up because of her coldness, and do not be overly enthusiastic because of her response, keep a moderate distance, so that she can slowly feel your change and care in a stress-free situation.

The essence of redemption is to “re-attract”, not “beg to get back together”. When you truly understand her needs, admit the problem with sincerity, and prove change with continuous actions, she will feel your growth and care. Even if you don’t get back together in the end, you will become a better version of yourself; and if she is moved by your sincerity and persistence and chooses you again, this experience will also make your relationship more stable. Remember, the core of touching is never “vigorous giving”, but “understanding her grievances, caring about her needs, and being willing to change for her”.