Getting along for a long time is not about finding new love, but about “adding new meaning” to old loves

Many people think that “freshness will disappear over time”, but this is not the case – freshness is not “meeting new people”, but “experiencing new things with familiar people”. The fatigue of long-term relationships often stems from the monotonous repetition of life, rather than the fading of the relationship itself. If you want to keep your feelings fresh, the core is to “create change in stability and discover new fun in familiarity”.

First, keep a “moderate difference” and not turn each other into “replicas”. Some couples who have been dating for a long time will deliberately cater to each other’s preferences and slowly lose their individuality: you give up your favorite trip and stay at home with him; He quit his favorite sport and accommodates your routine. As everyone knows, it is those unique differences that make each other attractive. In a long-term relationship, you should keep your own hobbies and independent thinking, such as you like to read, he likes to play, you don’t have to force the other party to participate, you can agree to “enjoy your hobbies and share interesting things later”. This state of “intimacy and independence” allows each other to always maintain curiosity about each other, such as “what interesting things did he encounter while playing today” and “what new ideas are in the books she read”.

Second, regularly create a “sense of ritual” to awaken the romance of ordinary life. A sense of ritual is not an expensive gift, but an attitude of “taking it with your heart” – it can make ordinary days special and make each other feel “remembered and valued”. It can be an “exclusive date” once a week, not talking about work, not swiping mobile phones, and focusing on accompanying each other; It can also be a small surprise on an anniversary, such as writing a handwritten letter and preparing a meal that the other person loves; It can also be trying new things together, such as learning to bake, going on excursions, checking in at new restaurants. These small rituals can break the dullness of life and make the relationship continue to heat up in freshness.

Finally, learn to “rediscover” and see new people in familiarity. Long-term relationships can easily lead to “stereotypes”: feeling that “he is this kind of person” and “I already know him perfectly”. But people are constantly growing and changing, and if you want to stay fresh, you need to observe each other with “curiosity”. For example, if he has recently fallen in love with fitness, you might as well ask “what makes you want to change”; She began to learn new skills, but sincerely praised “You are really persevering, I admire you”. This kind of attention to each other’s growth can make each other feel “seen and appreciated”, and it can also keep the relationship dynamic and fresh, rather than staying in the initial impression.